A big part of being an EM is making judgement calls. Each day is a balancing act making trade-offs. But nobody tells you being an EM means living in the grey.
It’s not always a comfortable place. Two right answers are fighting each other.
You know the feeling. Trying not to pick the wrong option. Hoping your decision doesn’t come back to bite you.
A few examples:
- People vs Delivery – engineers running on fumes with the deadline on Friday. You can’t protect both. So what do you do?
- Yes vs No – saying yes too much and everyone drowns. Saying no too much and you become the problem. Every yes is a no to something else.
- Speed vs Thoroughness – ship it now or do it properly? You can defend both answers and they each have their consequences.
- Direct vs Diplomatic – too diplomatic and nothing changes. Too direct and trust breaks. Many EMs are still figuring this one out.
- Coaching vs Doing – you know the solution, you could fix it in 10 minutes. But how is that helping the team learn?
The best EMs can sit in the discomfort. Make the call and live with it. And then adapt fast if it goes sideways.
Becoming ‘great’
A problem comes when EMs try to rush to become ‘great’. The EM journey doesn’t work like that.
It’s a natural scenario when someone steps into the role, they don’t want to let anyone down. They read books and take courses. This is all good, however, the skills that make a great EM aren’t learned. They’re accumulated. Usually painfully.
Nobody becomes a great EM in a controlled environment. You become one when: a key engineer resigns the week before a major launch; two of your best engineers can’t get past a disagreement; leadership changes direction again, you have to motivate an exhausted team.
You can’t manufacture those moments. You can’t schedule them either.
Great EMs became great by moving through things.
Different teams. Different companies. Different cultures.
A startup where everyone panics. An enterprise where nothing moves. A reorg that made no sense.
Each one taught something a course never could.
The reality is… experience is working through the situations that happen to you.
Figuring it out alone
The hardest part of being an EM is figuring it out alone.
The challenging experiences EMs go through are important. But, those moments are only valuable if you learn from them.
Most don’t. Not properly. Mainly because they’re too busy surviving the next thing to reflect on the last one.
That’s the gap coaching fills. It creates the pause.
That hard conversation, the team changes didn’t land, the deadline missed. Most call it a “tough week” and move on.
A coach will slow you down. Ask the questions you weren’t asking yourself. That’s where the real learning is.
Books, courses, podcasts are all good, but none of them have your team, your context.
A coach helps you take what you’ve heard and shape it to your reality.
And helps you prepare for what’s coming.
And then there’s the loneliness.
You’re not an IC anymore. You’re not quite leadership either.
It’s that middle seat – responsible for everything, certain of nothing.
A coach is the one place you can be completely honest.
No politics. No performance.
A space to be yourself. That’s where real growth comes from.
This is why I love working with EMs.
The challenges are real. So is the growth.
If your curious to know more about coaching with me? Use the ‘Book your intro call’ button on the homepage.
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